September 2023
Do other people experience DID in the same way as me?
There seems to be a dominant representation of DID in online discourse. Mostly, it seems as though people represent themselves as having a handful of well-defined parts, each with distinct names, ages, and characteristics. Perhaps because I am polyfragmented, I experience something very different, and do not relate to the vast majority of the experiences that other people present themselves as having online. Last month, I posted to the DID subreddit to see if anyone related to my experiences:
cycle DID narrative polyfragmented reddit symptoms
5 minutes
August 2023
Learning about my system with data
Life is moving very rapidly right now. I wrote the previous post (Waking up to the present) six weeks ago, shortly after I had split a new cluster of parts. Then, three weeks ago, I split a whole new cluster of parts. Both six weeks ago and three weeks ago I had very distinct changes in my behavioral patterns and how I operate. I have two very distinct “jumps” in my continuity of memory both three and six weeks ago.
conceptualization cycle data DID polyfragmented symptoms
5 minutes
June 2023
I’m not perfect, and that’s okay
I am a perfectionist. For most of my life, I thought that was a good thing. However, I now see how much it has negatively impacted my life. In this post, I explore my understanding one aspect of that—I believe that the combination of my perfectionistic tendencies plus my capacity to dissociate to a high degree is a main cause of my difficulties in the present. Growing up, I strived to be the “perfect child”—I made good grades, never got into trouble, and was always submissive, smiling, and pleasant to be around.
academia amnesia DID narrative perfectionism symptoms
6 minutes
April 2023
Have you thought about how you conceptualize your internal experience, or the language you use to describe it? I personally hadn’t given either much thought until I learned I had DID. Since then, I’ve had a long journey of learning to understand how I operate, which has required me to think deeply about how to convey my experiences to others who likely do not operate in the same way that I do.
conceptualization DID language
6 minutes
March 2023
Parts are created from trauma, not necessarily abuse
Pretty early on in my DID discovery journey, I realized that my handwriting was different depending on which part of me was writing. This was very useful information, as I had taken well-catalogued academic notes for years prior to starting therapy, so I had a solid bank of data of which I could look back on and see which parts of me were active at different times of my life.
autism DID mechanism narrative trauma
5 minutes